Σάββατο, 7 Οκτωβρίου 2017

The diary of the Dj - Out of competition

Incurably romantic and a dreamer. A dumb for the reasonable submissive, who think they all is for calculation. I'm in the sea and I am swimming. Good weather. 32 degrees Celsius. 4 beaufort. Light Waves. I comfortably ride them and follow a course towards a new land. There, Opposite they told me and I believed, because I wanted to. A sudden burst of air. My ear was snapped. I am  continuing. I am getting tired.

I am stoping. I am playing dead on my back. Counting the clouds. My ear is making some strange sounds. Gluck Gluck. Now, apnea.
Luckily I'm not a sailboat. I hear the sound of the bottom. What is down there? I do it upside down plunge blowing the air out of the nose so the water does not get into it and it rags me. One, two, four, eight meters. My spells are hurting from the pressure. I make an equation and continue. The rays of the sun form an open well from light. Magic. A little more. Μy breath was over. I'm quitting. Emerging. The surface is saving me and I am breathing quickly following my  heartbeat. But were did I come out? A speedboat is coming  towards me. I am diving. The keel of the boat passes a meter above my legs. I'm going back up and throw some curses. Go fuck your self. In the bad sense. Do not enjoy it. Go die and take your boat with you in the grave. But it is not the man's fault. I suddenly came out in front of him. Ah anyway, I have to keep on going. Let me see. Where is the Sun? Oh yes. Where did I came from? From there. So, all right. I will go that way. On the new land I was told that I would find my place I really deserve. I will be there where I should be and not where they want me. Where I deserve to be. I Continue. Is getting dark. I continue. My tempo is slow enough so I will not get tired. And in the same time to win over the sea currents. Everything is all right as long as the weather remain good. It is night. I inflate my small boat and stretch the floating anchor. I hope I will not be dragged in the opposite direction. I am climbing on the boat.
Been very tired I am falling asleep instantly. A strong noise like a working water hoer. Great fright. What the heck? Oh! The water is filled with, fireflies?
I look right and left. Small particles shimmer and swirl inside the water. Suddenly a sound buzzes my hair. Wouwi. A whale. No. Whales. They're singing. The child wakes up inside me and I start answering to them with whistles.  Wouwi. Fui fui fui. Wouwi. Fui Pu guch guch. I'm starting to cough laughing and i also fart. A jabbing star crackles the sky and pops into two points of its orbit. Whow. The sky is crystal clear. Millions of stars, planets. Oh. I'm looking the sky spellbound and at the same time I am chewing a bar of cereal. I'm falling asleep again.
In my sleep, I see that I am having a warm shower. With shampoo and soap, not plain. Then I wipe myself with a yellow towel. Yellow towel? When did I get a yellow towel? I am waking up. The Sun dazzles me. I am wiping the dried saliva. I  am urinating and drink some water. My supplies. My outfit, the flippers, the sandals, the boat with the floating anchor. Bars of cereal and a bottle of water just for the taste. I'm getting ready to go. The little old man I had met told me that the land of the righteous is a three-day swim from where we were. Swim with your swimsuit or naked. Do not take anything with you. He pointed out to me. But where exactly? I kept asking. There. Go west. There is Paros. No, it is not Paros. It's in between. Where? There is nothing on the map.
It's not on the map to do act like a child. Listen. You go there only by swimming and when you go, you will not want, nor will be able to return. You will forget us-Ha-ha-ha. And you will do well because there is the land of the righteous. In the West is the country of righteousness? I tell him by sucking my eyebrows. It's not in the west. I told you but you don't listen. You will swim to the west but you actually go west and then north or south, depending on your madness and finally east. So you are telling me to go do circles? Yes circles-Ha-ha-ha. Well, swim west and forget the rest it doesn't matter. Ok, then tell me, since no one have returned from there how do you know all this? Do not put words in my mouth that I did not say. You can not and will not want to come back. Oh, I do not think you're such a masochist. Yes, but you, how you know all this? Have you've been there? Yes. And how did you come back with a boat? No, no, with a boat you can not. They used to have a ship and an airplane. Everything. Then they cut them all.  And the telephones too. Everything. This land is as it doesn't exist, they have erased it from everywhere. Only when you reach the middle of the route, remember,  that you do not need anything from here. Leave everything back. And take nothing   with you. Whatever you need you have inside. Well, bye. I'm going. He said, and left me dry to look at the sea. This conversation took place eight years ago. Every summer, I was thinking about doing it and eventually I was hesitated. This year I went to the funeral of that grandfather. I said I would sit in the courtyard of the church because they had the coffin open. Also because of the the screaming of his sisters. ((Woe is how great a soul struggle when separated from the body! Woe, how many tears are pouring out then, and there is no one to help it! When turns the eyes to the angels, without result pleasing.
To the peoples when it stretches hands does not find anyone to help. That is why, dear brothers, after we understand the short time of our lives, let us ask Christ to rest the one who has made us and to our souls gave  his great mercy. As the apostle James says in his letter to chapter d and in verse 14 "You do not know the future of tomorrow's day, because what is your life? It is a steam that appears and then is lost."))  The words of the priests somehow rested me. Slowly, I approached the door, threw two coins and lit two candles. I made my cross (crucified) nervously. Then I approached the sanctuary. The priest had the style of 10 cardinals, serious and sharp. Our gaze was crossed. It has changed to  humble look. Hm the servant of the god, he is pitching  dowering the day and eating two sheep at night. Ready to burst he is. Guch Guch. The censer of the priest made me cough. I was blushed and then calm down. I will not see the corpse. No no. honestly. No, I will not see. Ahh as if he is sleeping he is my baby brother! One of the sisters shouted. A let me see. I made a pretense, I suppose to look at my watch by brushing my lips and eyebrows together. I walked a little behind the psalter benches. I have passed them. In front of me was the dashboard of the sanctuary. With a slow motion I raise my head and looked to the left. Oh! He was beautiful and color-alive. And with a sardonic smile. Like telling me. You. Idiot. Are you still here? I lost it. I have started to walk quickly to the exit. Along the way I have stepped on some ladies foots. As i was leaving, I heard they slander me down on low voice. Animal. This has happened three days ago. I am already almost two days in the sea. It's afternoon and I'm exhausted. I am swimming slowly, just in order to move faster than the current. My fingers have been so much soaked so the skin looks like it hangs from the bones. my ring is loose on my finger. I have tighten my fist so it will not fall. I swim.
My nails are nailed to the skin. Oh blood. Blood? Suddenly my thoughts go to the worst and. A fin. That was what I needed now. A flock of dogfish are swimming a few meters away. I stop swimming and take my bloody hand out of the water. I have to remain calm and still. The herd is passing me. It is Getting away. I am holding my breath unconsciously. The flock is further away. I do not see it anymore. I am exhaling and at the same time a drop of blood falls into the water. Damn it. I starting to suck the water with a fury and swallowing it. Ok. All right. Suddenly I see a shadow below me coming at speed. A dogfish bites my flipper and pulls it. Panic. I fight with the dogfish that is about two meters long. Aaaaaa. Aaaaaa. I shout with all my strength and fight. The flipper comes out and sinks. I struggle with the boat and the floating anchor for a shield. It tears both of them apart and also my goggles break. Ah! Suddenly. As it came, leaves. It starts to darken. I am with one flipper, no boat, no anchor. The water. Where's the water? I have lost the water too. Ok. I am at sea, I can not dehydrate. I have some grain bars yet. It is  a good weather. I will rest footing on my back. I will be fine. All right. A pair of 45s flippers and one suit for divers. Do you want also weights? Weights? What to do with the weights? But you have told me you were going for snorkeling? The shopkeeper told me. Yes, yes. I have those from my uncle and also the gun. What I would tell the man that I was going to swim to an unknown land? He would have take me for a fool. Hm, and a small inflatable boat and a floating anchor. Also sea gulls. Don't you want a mask better? No, no, it does not suit me. It is hurting me on the forehead. The goggles please, the best you have. Although the grandfather had specifically said not to take anything with me, I took my measures. Costume, flippers, goggles, boat, floating anchor, water, cereal bars. And now what was left to me? Absolute darkness. Tonight I do not see anything. It is probably cloudy. It's scary. It's the second night I am at the sea. Loneliness. The sky, the water, the fish and me. I do not feel more lonely now than before. My existence has always been deep within me and far from everything. I do not know why. A thick drop on my forehead interrupted my thoughts. Sweet water! I open my mouth wide and I thank every drop. Soon it gets heavy rain. Lightning. Thunderstorms and heavy rain. Thanks. I shout with power. It rains for several minutes, maybe half an hour. It stops and then a breeze starts. The ripple strengthens. The first light of the day. Bad  weather, wind and big waves. The Sun is making its appearance between the sea and the clouds. Good morning sun. I Yell. Ha ha Hello and good bye. lost behind the clouds. My hair waves like it's dry. I am swimming but it's in vain. I'm going up and down on some two meters high waves. A mini tornado raises drops of water and swiftly moves rather south. E? Yes. From there the Sun came out, so on the other is the west and. Shit. I do not know were is what. An itch in the chest has troubled me since yesterday. I'm pulling down the zipper and I am scratching with fury. Ah. Again I almost lost it. I got it. You will not leave me so easily. Second time. My hands are in bad shape. They are blue purple and they are smelling something in between fish and roquefort cheese. Probably my smelling is damaged. Bloch. A sense of blood in the mouth and nose. Ah and this itching. I remove the zipper again and rip with the other hand this time. The other in a tight feast, not to leave the ring. The situation has become desperate. One wave after another buzzes and almost rolls every time I am on their side. It makes no sense to swim because I do not know where to go. I make a quick move and pick up the last cereal bar. I rip the plastic nervously and eat it. I am taking the case off and let it sink. I am taking the belt off. The itching has taken over me. I feel my chest burning. Now my feet, my back, my ass. Okay that is it.
I'm pulling out the flipper and hold it in my hand. I'm starting to pull down the zipper so i'll get out of the suit. I am instantly relieved. But I probably have to take out the swimsuit too. I am pulling it down. Suddenly a wave buzzes and swirls with me. But how is it possible? The waves do not crack in the middle of the sea. I'm bumping my head lightly on something. What is that?  Sand. Sand? In two meters deep there is some sand. If it was a  little more shallow I could be standing. I did not get to finish my thoughts and a huge wave is cracking and is dragging me with my face   in the sand. Coming up to the surface, I trow up water and sand. Again. This time eyes, nose, mouth, ears filled with sand and water. I'm coming back up. My fist is tightened tight. I'm trying to open my eyes. Impossible.
It is tingling and also paining. I'm screaming with all my strength. Plaf. Another wave interrupts me. This time drives me a bit deeper. I'm opening my one eye and swimming to the surface. I'm going out and breathing with grate pain as if cough  inwards. And another wave. This time I hit my head on a rock. Blows my mind. I am watching little cartoon like stars. Despair. Have I been paralyzed? No. Ok. I am going up. Ok let's go. I'm swimming to the surface. I'm swimming and my breath is getting short. I'm feeling  my veins in my throat inflate. Where is it? Where is it? Stop. I look up. Blue Gray. I look down, blue gray. I look right at the left. My punch is tight. Let me exhale to see where the little  bumbles will go. I am having no more air. Scout. Panic. Towards there. I am swimming and getting.. At the bottom. At the bottom of the sea? What's happening? I have to try to calm down. Without breath, without hope, it's a little bit hard. But I have to. Only when you reach the middle of the route remember that you do not need anything from here. Leave it all behind. And take nothing with you.  Everything you need you have inside. It was the words of the little gentleman. I said inside me. Let go. I'm loosing my fist. With ease the ring goes upwards, in the opposite direction from the bubbles. Let go. I'm taking out the little air left in my lungs. Let go. I am taking a breath and my lungs are filling with water. Spasms. Let go, you. Come on. A violet light. Heat. How is that possible? Let go. A warm hug. A soft petting. Let go. Let go. Let go. I'm letting my self go. I'm letting my self go. I am released. A tender kiss, a soft petting, heat, violet light. I am released. I am there.

Motivator Damian


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